I know darkness. I choose the light. And please listen to the Climate Avengers Podcast.

Hello, my name is Elena Foukes. 

I have been through a dark night of the soul. It’s more like a few. But saying “dark nights of the soul” sounds clumsy.

They came in waves over the past few years. If you’ve had one, you know. It’s challenging to put words to them. The only way for them to end is to go through them. 

I have made it through them. I’m still alive. I know the darkness. I choose light. 

I also choose to start talking about them.

I also am a new person. I’ve evolved through several versions of myself. I don’t think I knew this was possible. 

Up until the past few months, I lived in my head. No heart. This is going to be a doozy to explain. It might take a writing about it a few times because it states to make sense or for it’s description to feel right. 

How do I describe the journey from top-of-her-game professionally and achieving by all of society’s standards, to eating a yarrow flower? 

In any case, I’ve been sober for 6 weeks and took myself off of synthetic, seasonal birth control 7 months ago. I had my period every 2-3 months, and I had been on the pill since I was 13. I was on the pill for 23 years on the pill. Now I’m discovering what my body is. 

Topics to cover:

• Going off of the pill
• Stopping drinking
• Father dying
• Parents hoarding
• Mother in decline
• Financial psychology
• My stolen $400k catamaran 
• Spiritual practices
• Rocks
• Plants
• Fear
• Prayer

What I’ve done and have been doing over the past few years have been experiments. Of you could call it wandering in the desert. 

I did the things. I went to school. I got married. I started and grew a company. 

Climate change still matters. 

To stay sane during it, it take more than tech solutions. Climate change is a whole body experience. 

Climate change is about extraction, and zero sum. And breaking our connection to the earth. And power, and patriarchy. I’ve been spending a lot of time reading and listening on these topics. Lots more to come. 

I’ve started things in fits and starts, trying new things out. I was figuring out the next thing or things for me. I’m still figuring it out. I’m sharing what I know right now. It may change. I may go silent for some time… again. It’s the ebb and flow of growth. Thanks for understanding. Thank you for the compassion.

Maybe you’re figuring things out too? 

I hope by sharing what I’ve gone through, it can can you or someone you know. It was hard. It can be hard. I didn’t have examples of the journey that resonated with me, so I hope my writings help you. 

In the meantime, please take a listen to my podcast, Climate Avengers through Resource Labs. It’s available on every podcast platform. Search my name or Climate Avengers. I interview founders and founders in ClimateTech. 
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